


everything i can

by jetplane



Series: Quarantink [5]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, COVID-19, Coronavirus, Gen, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Isolation, Possible Character Death, Quarantine, Sick Character, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:15:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24223402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jetplane/pseuds/jetplane
Summary: After being hospitalized for COVID-19, Spencer Reid makes calls to his friends and family.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner & Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan & Spencer Reid, Diana Reid & Spencer Reid, Emily Prentiss & Spencer Reid, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau & Spencer Reid, Penelope Garcia & Spencer Reid, Spencer Reid & David Rossi
Series: Quarantink [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1687318
Comments: 47
Kudos: 107





	1. Penelope

**Author's Note:**

> I don't intend for this story to be overtly sad, but it will be a somewhat emotional piece. I know that COVID-19 has hit a lot of us really hard, so please don't feel bad about skipping this piece if it will make you too uncomfortable to read about this subject right now. And wherever you are right now, please stay safe!
> 
> “I want it//I want my life so bad//and I'm doing everything I can//then another one bites the dust//it's hard to lose a chosen one”  
> \- “Elastic Heart” by Sia

Garcia is deep in thought when her computer pings with a sound she doesn’t recognize. She’d set up her system with so many different alerts that she could never keep track of them all, and most of them had never been used. 

Her brow furrows as she looks to the monitor. When she sees the pop-up on the display, she immediately gasps and reaches for her phone. 

-

Reid frowns as his phone rings. He checks the caller ID. Penelope Garcia. Of course she would be the first to find out. “Hey, Garcia.”

He nearly drops the phone as Penelope’s voice blasts directly into his ear. He can’t make out many of the words, but from what he can tell, she’s not terribly happy about finding out that he’s been checked into the hospital. 

Spencer has to wait until she takes a breath before she responds. “Garcia, calm down,” he says. “I’m okay. It’s really not that big of a deal.”

“Not that big of a deal?” Garcia echoes. “Reid, you’re in the hospital! In the middle of a pandemic! How is that not a huge deal?”

“Because I’m fine,” Reid tries to reassure her. “Just because I tested positive-”

“You what?” she screeches. Spencer immediately realizes his mistake as Penelope starts panicking aloud. She must not have had a chance to get ahold of his medical records.

“Garcia!” he interrupts. “Listen to me. I’m okay. Maybe this is a bit of a big deal, but I’m in the best possible hands and statistically, I’m pretty much guaranteed to be fine. You have to stop worrying about me.” He doesn’t tell her that the statistics he’s citing are for healthy 30-somethings. A category he hasn’t belonged to since anthrax permanently damaged his lungs. 

“But you’re in the hospital,” Garcia protests. “That’s serious.”

“I know, but I’m in good hands. I promise,” Reid says. “There’s no need to worry. It won’t help.”

“I can’t help it, Boy Wonder,” she replies. “You know I hate it when you’re in the hospital.”

Reid sighs. “I know. I hate it, too. But I’ll manage.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Penelope asks. 

Spencer hesitates for a moment. “Don’t tell the rest of the team. I want to do that myself.”

“Done,” Garcia says. “Anything else?”

“Take care of yourself,” he tells her. “And keep an eye on everyone else. Make sure they’re doing alright, too.”

“Oh, Boy Wonder, you know I’m already doing that. They’re all fine. Just focus on getting better, alright?”

Spencer smiles a little at that. He knows that no matter what happens, his friends will take care of each other. “I will. But I should probably go now. I’ll talk to you again later.”

Penelope sighs. “Alright. But you’d better call me every day. Otherwise, I’ll have no choice but to start hacking those hospital records.”

Reid chuckles softly. “Understood. Thanks, Garcia.”


	2. Dave

Rossi picks up the video call on the first ring. “Hey, Reid.” He frowns when he sees the scene around Spencer. “Are you in the hospital? Is everything okay?”

“I’m in the hospital,” Reid confirms. “It’s COVID-19.”

The older agent’s brow knits in concern. “Reid-”

“I’m fine,” he says quickly. “Well, I’m not, but I’m going to be. Hopefully.”

Rossi shakes his head. “You’re not doing a very good job of reassuring me, kiddo.”

Spencer smiles sadly. “I know.” He sighs. “I haven’t told anyone else because I don’t want them to worry, but this is pretty serious. There’s a chance I could get a lot worse.”

“Don’t say that,” Dave protests. “You’re young. And I’m sure your doctors are great. You’re going to be okay.”

Spencer gives him a slight smile. “I hope you’re right. But my lungs were already compromised before this happened. There’s a chance I...might not make it out of here.” He stares at the image of Rossi on his screen. Even on the small device, he can clearly see the worry on the older agent’s face. “Which is why I need a favor.”

Rossi doesn’t hesitate. “Anything.” 

“I need you to be my proxy. If anything happens to me-“

“Nothing is going to happen to you,” Dave tries to reassure him. 

“If anything happens to me,” Spencer repeats. “I don’t want any extraordinary measures. But I’ll need someone to make medical decisions on my behalf. And you’re the only one I know can do that.”

Rossi’s smile doesn’t make it to his eyes. “Why do you say that?”

Reid looks away guiltily. “Because of James,” he says quietly. 

Dave stares at him with a pained expression as he processes this. He’d told Spencer before what had happened to his son, James. How letting him go was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do. Reid wanted him to do that again?

“I know how much I’m asking, Rossi,” the younger agent tells him. “I hope you don’t have to do it either. But you’re like a father to me and I need you. I need you to do this for me.”

Rossi takes in Spencer’s pleading expression. It takes all his willpower to remain stoic as he nods. “Okay. I’ll do it.”

Reid gives him the tiniest of smiles. “Thank you.”

“Is there anything else I can do for you?” Dave asks. 

Spencer shakes his head. “I’m really okay, I promise. You don’t have to worry.”

“I’ll stop worrying when you get out of the hospital,” he replies. “Until then, I’ll pray for you.”

He smiles. “Thanks, Rossi.” He glances off-screen. “I have to go now. I’ll call you again soon, okay?”

Dave nods. “Take care of yourself, kiddo.”

“I will,” Reid promises. “Goodbye, Dave.”

“Goodbye, Spencer.”

He ends the call.


	3. JJ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit longer than the other ones; I hope that's okay! I wanted Reid to be able to talk to the whole Jareau/LaMontagne family, and it just made more sense to me for it to all happen at once

“Spence, please,” JJ begs.

“JJ, it’s not safe,” he insists. “Even if you come, they won’t let you anywhere near me. And just being near me puts you at risk. I don’t want you to do that.”

“I don’t care, Spence,” she replies. “I can’t let you go through this alone.”

“I know,” he says. “I don’t want to be alone either. But you can’t - there’s nothing you can do. If you come to the hospital, you’ll risk exposing Henry and Michael and Will. Do it for them, please.”

JJ blinks rapidly, trying to hold back tears. “You have to get better, you hear me? You have to get better for them. And for me. We need you, you know?”

Reid smiles sadly. “I know.”

She glances away from the screen, looking behind her, then turns back to her friend. “The boys are upstairs. Do you want to talk to them?”

“Please?” The word comes out softer than he intended.

“I’ll get them for you.”

As JJ disappears from his view, Spencer takes the deepest breaths he can. _I will not cry_ , he tells himself. _I will not cry. I will not cry._

“Uncle Spencer?” Henry appears in front of the screen. “Are you in the hospital again?”

“I am, Henry,” Reid admits.

Will appears behind Henry, carrying Michael in his arms. The preschooler wiggles free of his father’s grasp and reaches towards the screen. “Why are you in the hospital, Uncle Spence?”

“That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about,” Spencer says. “You know how there’s a virus going around?”

“Yeah,” Michael says. “That’s why we have to quar-an-tine.” He pronounces each syllable carefully, making the profiler smile.

“That’s right. Well, your godfather has been exposed to the virus. That’s why I’m in the hospital.”

“Are you sick, Uncle Spencer?” Henry asks.

“Yes, I am. But I don’t want you to worry,” Reid says quickly. “The doctors are taking very good care of me. I just wanted to let you know that I might not be feeling well for a little while.”

“But once you’re better, you’ll visit us. Right?” Michael asks.

“That’s right,” Spencer says, forcing a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “I’ll come and visit you as soon as I can. But in the meantime, I need both of you to promise me something.”

“Of course,” Henry replies. Michael quickly nods as well.

“You have to promise me that you’ll be really good for your mom and dad, alright? That you’ll listen to them and do what they tell you?”

“We will,” Michael pipes up.

“Of course, Uncle Spencer,” Henry replies.

“Good. I’m glad to hear that. Are you two keeping up with your schoolwork?”

Henry looks a little guilty. “Kind of.”

Reid smiles. “I know it can be hard, but school is really important. Can you two promise me you’ll work hard at school?”

“But school is boring,” Michael whines. “We never get to do fun stuff like the science projects you do with us.”

“Michael, sometimes you have to do the boring things in order to get to the fun things,” Spencer says. “Your godfather never would have learned all those science projects if he hadn’t gone to school. Can you promise you’ll try? For me?”

Both boys nod. Henry frowns slightly. “Uncle Spencer, is everything okay?”

“I’m just a little sick, Henry,” Reid lies. “And I’ve been missing you guys. I just want to know that you’ll be okay while I’m out of commission, alright?”

The older boy doesn’t seem entirely convinced, but he nods. “Alright,” he echoes.

“Good.” Spencer smiles. “Now you two can run along and play. I need to talk to your parents again.” The three say their goodbyes before the boys disappear from the screen.

Will and JJ show up a few moments later. “Thanks for letting me talk to them,” Reid says.

“Of course,” Will replies.

“Is there anything you need us to do for you?” JJ asks anxiously.

“Just give the boys a hug from me,” he says. “Tell them not to worry.” He has excuses prepared for his sickly appearance - that his pale coloring is a trick of the harsh lighting, his fatigue and weakness are caused by a lack of coffee, and his labored breaths are a result of the dry hospital air - but he can’t bring himself to lie to his friends. “I don’t want you to worry, either.”

“Spencer, you know that’s never going to happen,” Will replies. “You’re family. We care about you.”

Reid smiles sadly. “I know,” he says. “I care about you guys, too.” The young agent leans back onto his pillows, looking at his friends. “It’s been too long since we’ve spoken. What’s been going on in your lives?”

Some of the tension on JJ and Will’s faces immediately disappear as they begin to recount Henry and Michael’s distance learning escapades and the family’s attempts to entertain themselves while in quarantine. Spencer relaxes as well, smiling as he listens to his friends’ stories. Their voices comfort him in a way he hadn’t realized he’d been missing in isolation. For a few minutes, he can almost forget where he is. It feels like he’s just spending time with his family the way they used to, not a care in the world.

But all too soon, the illusion is broken by a knock on Reid’s hospital door. He jumps, nearly dropping his phone, as a doctor peers his head inside. “Dr. Reid?” he asks.

“Yes?” Reid immediately takes in the man’s serious expression and has to fight not to let his friends see his worry. “Sorry, just one moment.” The doctor nods as he turns back to his friends. “My doctor is here,” he reports. “I have to go.”

Both Will and JJ look disappointed, but they nod their understanding. “Of course,” JJ replies. “We’ll talk to you again soon?”

“Of course,” Spencer echoes. He smiles. “I love you guys.”

“We love you too, Spence,” JJ says.

“Get well soon, Spencer,” Will adds.

“I will,” he replies. He waves goodbye as he shuts off the phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know which other characters you want to see in this story! I have a plan for three more chapters with Derek, Emily, and Reid's mom, but please let me know if you think I should include anyone else!


	4. Derek

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I envisioned this fic taking place shortly after the end of season 15 (basically in present day), with Derek having a daughter that he named after his mother. Obviously, Reid is also her godfather.

“Hi, Morgan.”

Derek’s expression turns worried as he takes in Reid’s weakened condition. “Hey, kid. How’s it going in there?”

“Not great, to be honest.” Spencer wheezes with every word. “Derek, if I don’t make it-”

“No,” Morgan interrupts. “Stop. You’re going to make it. You’re going to get through this like you got through anthrax and being shot and held hostage and - and all those other things you survived! This is not your time to die.”

Reid manages a weak smile. “I hope that’s true. But Derek-” he has to pause to take a few breaths from his oxygen mask “-I’ve already signed a DNR.”

“You did _what?!”_ Morgan thunders. “Pretty boy, tell me you’re not serious.”

“I am,” he replies solemnly. “My lung function is getting worse. Hospitals are overwhelmed and understaffed. If I’m going to die, I don’t want it to be a long, drawn-out affair. This is the best option for everyone.”

“Reid, I don’t care about doctors or machines or whatever other stupid things you think matter right now. I care about you,” he bursts out. “Tell me where you are. I want to go down to whatever hospital you’re at and knock some sense into-”

“No,” Spencer interrupts, his voice surprisingly firm.

“What?”

“I’m not letting you know where I am. It’s safer if no one tries to visit me.” Reid’s steady stare burns through Derek’s screen.

“Kid, tell me where you are,” Morgan repeats.

“No.”

“Fine, then I’ll start calling hospitals.”

“Even if you convince someone to violate HIPAA and tell you, I won’t see you,” Spencer says between labored breaths. “If you care about me, please don’t try to come here.”

“Spencer,” Derek protests.

“Please, Derek.” He closes his eyes and turns away from the screen, unable to look at Morgan’s face any longer. “This is hard enough for me. Please...don’t make it harder.”

Morgan shakes his head. “I can’t - I can’t just let you do this.”

“You have to. If not for me, do it for Hank and Frances.”

“They need their godfather,” Morgan protests. “Hank’s only three; Frances isn’t even one yet. They need you. _I_ need you.”

“I know,” Reid wheezes. “I don’t want to leave you - any of you. But you have to be prepared.”

A sob catches in Derek’s throat that he can barely force down. It takes all his years of training to not break down right there. “I’m really proud of you, pretty boy. You know that, right?” Spencer nods. “You’re the best little brother anyone could ask for. I love you so much.”

Tears fill Reid’s eyes as he smiles. “I love you too, Derek. Goodbye.”

He ends the call and they both cry.


	5. Emily

“Hi, Reid,” Emily says gently. “How are you doing?”

He shrugs. “I’m hanging in there,” he replies. Spencer coughs a few times, making Emily frown in concern. “Hospital life isn’t exactly exciting, though.”

Prentiss gives him a weak smile. “You’ll get out soon,” she says. “You just have to hang in there and focus on getting better.”

Spencer forces a smile in return. He knows she’s saying it for her own benefit more than his. “That’s what everybody keeps telling me,” he responds. He coughs again. “But I called you because I wanted to talk about something important.”

“Okay,” Emily says. “What is it?”

“I need you to do me a favor,” Reid says. He pauses for a moment to catch his breath, then continues. “There’s a box under my bed at my apartment. It’s filled with letters. All the things I never got to say.” He has to stop again. “If I... don't make it, I’ll need you to make sure they all get to the right people.” 

“Reid-”

“I know, I know,” he interrupts. “I don’t plan for anything to happen to me. But it could.” A few coughs escape his lungs as if to emphasize his point. “This plan isn’t just for COVID-19. I’ve had it in place since I joined the FBI.” He thinks about the contents of the box - not just messages for his mom and team, but also for old colleagues and friends and professors. He’d even written one for his father, filled with all the things he’d never felt quite ready to say. 

“You can deliver your letters in person when you get better,” Emily replies, trying not to dwell on the effort with which he takes every breath. 

Spencer looks away sadly. “I hope I can,” he replies matter-of-factly. “But if I can’t, I need you to promise.”

Emily has every intention of saying no, that she won’t promise anything if it gives Reid permission to stop fighting. But Spencer stares through the screen with the biggest, saddest puppy-dog eyes Emily has ever seen, and her resolve goes out the window. “Alright,” Prentiss concedes. “I’ll deliver your letters.”

“Thank you,” Spencer says. He visibly relaxes into his bed, clutching an oxygen mask to his face with one hand, and Emily feels guilty for even considering denying his request. Even their simple conversation seems to have drained all of Reid’s strength. She wonders how much energy he’s been expending just trying to speak. 

“Do you need to rest?” she asks anxiously. “I can leave.”

Spencer shakes his head. “No, stay,” he requests, although his eyelids flutter even as he says this. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” Emily asks. 

“I’m sure,” he assures her. “It’s good to hear your voice.”

“Okay.” Prentiss laughs nervously. “Well, I can keep talking if you want.” Spencer gives a small nod. “There’s a documentary I watched the other day. I think you’d really like it.”

“Mhm.” Spencer closes his eyes. His chin dips slightly, urging Emily to continue. 

“It was about coral bleaching,” she tells him. “Not a fun topic, I know, but I learned a lot.”

It doesn’t take long for Reid to fall asleep. It’s only then that Emily can really get a good look at him. Seeing her friend look even more exhausted and weak than before, the seriousness of the situation hits Emily all at once. Reid is sick. Sick enough that he could die. Not of old age after making decades of brilliant contributions to the world, not even honorably in the line of duty. But in a hospital bed, alone and unable to breathe as his body slowly lost its ability to function. Emily couldn’t even imagine what a world without Spencer Reid would look like. She simply couldn’t. 

“Come on, Reid,” she whispers. She doubts her friend can even hear her, but she needs to try. “Please don’t leave us alone.”


	6. Aaron

“I wanted to ask you something,” Reid says. His voice comes out muffled through the oxygen mask. Aaron has to turn his volume all the way up to be able to understand him. 

Hotch frowns, tilting his head slightly. “What do you need?”

“I want you to be my executor of estate,” Reid says. “All of my finances should be in order, but I need someone to make sure everything gets carried out according to my will.”

The older agent presses his lips together. “Reid, are you sure-”

“I’ve thought about it a lot,” Spencer replies. “I want you to do it. I trust you.”

Aaron sighs and rubs his forehead. He knows he can’t refuse the request. “I’ll do it”

“Good,” Reid says. “You’ll find all my important documents in my safe. The passcode is Gideon’s birthday, backward.” He sucks in a breath. “I’ve earmarked part of my savings for specific areas of research, mostly schizophrenia and DID.”

“Reid, you don’t need to tell me all of this.” Spencer’s breathing has grown more labored, and his lips are starting to appear bluish under his oxygen mask. Despite his best efforts, Hotch can’t quite convince himself that it’s just a trick of the light. 

“Yes, I do,” Reid wheezes. “This is important.” Every word out of his mouth is a Herculean effort, but he needs to get them all out while he still can. “I also have college funds set up for all the kids - Jack, Michael, Henry, Hank, Frances. I want them to have a good education. And you have to look out for my mom. I have money set aside for her, but the court is going to try to appoint her a guardian. You have to make sure she has what she needs.” His eyes shine with desperation, and Hotch can’t tell whether it’s from the lack of oxygen or the need to communicate his wishes. 

Hotch’s serious expression, which Reid once found intimidating, comes as a comfort to the younger agent now. He knows Hotch will make sure his plans are executed to the letter. “You don’t have to worry about anything,” he assures Spencer. 

“Thank you,” Reid croaks. He smiles faintly. “Really, Hotch, thank you.”

Aaron shakes his head. His expression is solemn, but his eyes shine bright with tears. Tears of worry and sadness, of course, but also of pride. “Thank you, Spencer.”

Spencer tries to say something else but is overwhelmed by a coughing fit. Red spatters inside his hospital mask and Hotch’s body is gripped with fear. “Spencer? Spencer, are you alright?”

He’s gasping for air again, chest heaving as he fights for each inadequate breath. His hospital monitors start to alarm. “Spencer!” 

People start to flood the room. Someone bumps into the stack of books that have been serving as a stand for Reid’s phone, and the device tumbles to the ground. Aaron’s voice cuts out abruptly as his connection is severed.

Spencer watches all of this from his hospital bed. He knows he’s drowning, and he thinks like he should be more concerned, but all he feels is a sense of calm. Whatever happens next is out of his control. He’s done everything he could. 

As his vision goes dark, Reid thinks that he’s glad Hotch won’t have to watch him die.


	7. Diana

The camera tilts as Reid positions himself in the center of the frame. When he’s in focus, he sits back in bed and gives the camera a small wave. 

“Hi, Mom. It’s Spencer.” He clears his throat and smiles awkwardly. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

He looks away for a moment, then fixes his eyes back on the screen. “I have COVID-19. If you’re watching this, it’s because I didn’t make it. I’m dead.”

Spencer sighs. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was sick,” he says. “I just didn’t want you to worry. And I was really hoping that I would be okay.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I wish I could be there for you now. I miss you so much already. But I need you to know that I’ve been so lucky to have you as my mom. You’re the best thing that ever could have happened to me. If I could go back in time and do everything over, I wouldn’t change any of the time we spent together.”

He leans in closer to the camera, extending a hand as if he could touch his mom. “I need you to be okay, alright? I know it’s not easy, but you have to take care of yourself. Listen to your doctors and don’t stop taking your medication, please?” Spencer tries to smile again. “I’ve asked my friends to look out for you. They’re my family, too, and you can trust them. I promise they’ll take good care of you.”

“I love you,” Reid says. He blinks rapidly but doesn’t turn his gaze from the recording screen. “I know it’s not enough, but I want you to know that I’m at peace. I had a good life, and it was all because of you.” His smile is small but sincere. “I love you, Mom.”

He scoots forward in his bed to grab the camera. The picture shakes as he picks it up and takes it in his hands. And then the recording ends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did Reid die? That's up to you! Let me know what you think in the comments!


End file.
